Monster #31 or Happy Halloween

Trick-or-treaters. The most horrific monster of all.

As my monster month draws to it's close, I feel rather anti-climatic. Shouldn't I go out with a large explosion of sorts? Maybe make it a big psychological reflection back into itself? Maybe post a mirror and tell everyone that THEY ARE THE MONSTERS?

Maybe.

I wish our year had more months as much fun as October.

Monster #30 or REAL Vampires

I have never met a vampire personally, but I don't know what might happen tomorrow.

-Bela Lugosi

(Now, don't get confused. This monster is NOT the beast from the 1946, black and white, French film La Belle et la Bête. It's an old school (old skool- pretend like that k is backwards) vampire. Thank you.)

Monster #29 or The Ultimate Question

I also have always liked the monster within idea. I like the zombies being us. Zombies are the blue-collar monsters.

George A. Romero

AND

Just to determine what we're up against...

Monster #28

Do you remember this obsession?
This is what you are turning into.

Monster #27

This is my day.

These are the bones.

This is the tarnishing of everything gold.

Monster #26

The Bride Stripped Bare by Her Bachelors, Even

By E. Francis Kohler

Monster #25

"Then I began to notice. Things. Strange Things."

Passing notes and damaged goods.

Digging around my bedroom drawers yielded up a few good moments.

1. One Ticket Stub from the blockbuster hit Step Up 2: The Streets from 04/18/08 @9:30 PM. (Special thanks to Adam and Ryan for the dance party of a lifetime.)

2. Scraps of old notes from my ex-job, the birthplace of bad sarcasm: "I generally like people." "WAIT. You DIDN'T read my MIND???" "I have nothing to reach for. I have reached an editing nirvana. A spiritual plateau . . . if you will . . ."

3. One Mode Boutique business card. RIP. Where am I supposed to buy Cheap Monday's now?

4. Three notes, slipped under my Provo room's door, from either the last time I didn't pay my phone bill or that last time I threw a phone and shattered it. Temper temper: "Claire, Girl. Gonna freak. I'm about to go play Sean (hottie from last night). But . . . If you come home &

read this, find me and let's go out and stuff (insert phone #). Jessica" "Claire Valene! I miss you. I hope you are well. I would like to see you soon. Loves, Katie B." And on a more scandalous note: Claire- Come over, I'm home. Heart, Jess *I'll be waiting naked in my bed for you. Heart." Whooooooaaaa. My friends be craaaaay-jeeeee (Special thanks to Ashleigh Brummy for the loose adaption of the word crazy).

5. One hugely dorky black and white photo/flyer raffling off a date with a BYU Helamen Halls RA circa 2003. "Jacob Condie = Cobb = front desk employee = hot! For Sale! BUY NOW WHILE THE GETTING IS GOOD! 25 cents per ticket come to Erica 3201 or Rae's 2201 room. Raffle will end Sunday tentatively at 6:15 in the lobby."

So many grammatical errors. So little time. And NO this was the one RA I didn't make out with, but thanks CHRIS (Though this guy did give me a Texas belt buckle. It gave me a sound appreciation for the smell of metal).

6. One note passed between One Claire Bagley and One Preston Smith in Biology circa 2004: Preston: Hey what's up next chair over? Wow, isn't this class exciting? WOAH

Claire: Fungi are multi cellular organisms. They disperse spores.

Preston: I know! Holy yes, I can't believe we sometimes eat it. How bizarre? I agree with the nasty look of that yellow thing.

Claire: It will one day try to take over the world, I just know it. Oh . . . of course it will start with an attack on Hong Kong, just like every other monster. Yep.

Preston: I think the Loch Ness monster's in Scotland. Hong Kong just has SARS.

Claire: That's true. Were you there for all of that craziness?

Preston: Oh- I was in the midst. I must admit that it was thrilling beyond compare. Walking outside, to see leaves and fungi, only to be inhibited by the crazy thought of SARS.

*outside of note: Preston Smith to my best fan CLAIRE

7. One MLS All-Stars vs Everton FC ticket stub. Yes folks, I went the the All-Star game. I am a fan. A FAN.

8. Revealing old transcribed texts

November 24 200?

1:30:46 am Hey Claire.

1:40:16 am What can I say? I'm a laugh a minute. Feet still cold?

1:56:58 am Ok. I'll bring a blanket & we can cuddle under it. That sounds nice. You down?

2:05:02 am I'm on the first thing smoking.

10:46:19 am From my end, yes. I think about that every time I talk to you. I hope you visit NY.

9. One old concert flyer for a Velour show January 26, 8 pm. The bands: The Disconnect is Gorgeous (their ep release show... apparently), The Eden Express (what happened to those guys???), The Weak Men, and St. Sebastian's School for Wicked Girls (I thought you hated long band names, you little liar).

10. One ticket stub from the worst movie ever: Stick It. 07/20/2006, 9:45 pm

NAOMI REID, do you remember this adventure in gymnastics? I'm pretty sure we died five times and then threw up confetti. THAT'S HOW GREAT THIS HORRIBLE HORRIBLE MOVIE WAS. Didn't I make some random younger gentlemen accompany us? Something???

11. One note passed to me during the National Conference of Undergraduate Research (NO, ANDY. This one wasn't from you.) To: The girl next to me. From: Someone other than the girl next to you. Dear Claire- You are pretty. I like your new dress. Sailors like you a lot. Let's dance, Not Danica/Your secret admirer

12. One picture of a dinosaur fish named "The Valene Fish named . . . CLAIRE", drawn during a breakfast at Coach house. The evidence is in the syrup stains. Thanks, Canon H.

13. One loose leaf with ideas about the world:

"Finding adhesion where you least expect it."

"They can't quantify this thing we call love."

"Easy as living in the sun & going out for hot dogs."

"I kind of like being adored."

"Aren't we all just damaged goods."

Monster #24 or 'Whoa, Nessie.'

The Loch Ness Monster spotted, 1955.

Monster #23

Art by Travis Louie

Monster #22

“Those who choose not to empathize enable real monsters, for without ever committing an act of outright evil ourselves we collude with it through our own apathy.

-J.K. Rowling, Harvard Speech

Monster #21

Tea time for the monster. Again.
Boris Karloff, a real gentleman.

Simplicity

Monster #20

Dear Godzilla,

All the screaming Japanese people inside my soul are forever grateful to you for being the inspiration for a more physically fit lifestyle.

Hugs and Kisses, Claire

I did say that he deserved more than one day, didn't I?

Well then.

Let's look inside his poetic soul . . .

Ah. Even the wild beast has a little class. Little pinky claw up!

Monster #19

I know my fair share of both.

When there's _____ there's ____.

Smoke

by Ben Folds Five

Leaf by Leaf page by page
Throw this book away
All the sadness all the rage
Throw this book away
Rip out the binding, tear the glue
All of the grief we never ever knew
We had it all along
Now its smoke
The things we've written in it
Never really happened
All of the people come and gone
Never really lived
All of the people have come have gone
No one to forgive smoke
We will never write a new one
There will not be a new one
Another one, another one
Here's an evening dark with shame
Throw it on the fire
here's the time I took the blame
Throw it on the fire
Here's the time we didn't speak
it seemed for years and years
Here's a secret
No one will ever know the
reasons for the tears
They are smoke
Where do all the secrets live
They travel in the air
You can smell them when they burn
They travel
Those who say the past is not dead
Stop and smell the smoke
You keep on saying the past is not dead
Come on and smell the smoke
You keep saying the past is not even past
You keep saying
We are, smoke

Monster #18

The scary thing is... he's right. Suck it, German modernism.

Monster #17

It's sad how tragically I view married life . . .

Just kidding, Chris.

Monster #16

Best looking monster award goes to...

the She-Hulk....?

Just kidding Mrs. Frank. Let's trade shoulder cobweb patterns sometime. I'll bring you some more aquanet.

Monster #15

(Travis Louie, Phineas G. Gruffin, Acrylic on board, 2010 From the exhibition, Curious Myths, at the Joshua Liner Gallery, NYC, July 10 to August 7, 2010)

Monster #14